No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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