we have pet lesbian snakes
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
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