I'm lost and stupid without you.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
