Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
