I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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