we'll go far in life on tits alone.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
