goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
