Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
