I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize