he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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