And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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