Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
