but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
