yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
