Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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