i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
only you would photoshop your dick
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
