I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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