Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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