but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Randomize
