it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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