I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
