You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
