Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
