We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
bring money and cleavage
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
