his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
