It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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