Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
