If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
pray to the hookup gods
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
