The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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