How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
