She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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