in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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