so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
