OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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