Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
