I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
