I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
