If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
