Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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