You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize