Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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