I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
