dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
