he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
