don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize