is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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