And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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