You just made me feel so damn special
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
