The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
