Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize