I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
