I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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