He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
