Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
