So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
