"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
