Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
