if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
