I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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