I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
