i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
