Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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