All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize