One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize