Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize