Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I bet he comes in French.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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