i think i have two assholes
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
