He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
