He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
