Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
