im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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